perhaps this is more a follow up post than anything. and it will likely mark the end of this short spurt of writing.
I mentioned once before my perception of this world changed drastically when i started working. it is hardly the first time that this has happened. it was the same when i started university. when i first started to perceive thing very differently. The irony is that this only started happening when i started being sure of myself. I thought I had figured out life and flat-line rejected everything else others suggested, dismissing them as fools. And then shit hit me and I woke up to find ill-defined lines in life that I thought held firm. my bubble of certainty burst, to very interesting effects. In the US, the appropriate expression would be when shit hits the fan.
living in a bubble of certainty is a pricey delusion. I stole the line from an article I read recently by Scott H Young. It is well and fine that I finally understand that. It can be disturbing however to look around you and see the many that have their own bubbles. People love certainty cos it is associated with safety, and our brains are programmed to look for signs affirm this certainty. But it can be dangerous, as much as living within the proverbial well as a frog.
It is difficult to convince people living in bubbles of alternatives. Now I am not saying the way they think is wrong(for no one can define wrong), but they fail to see that there are more than one way to the same destination. There are possibilities in life that they have failed to make space for. They are indoctrinated and are strongly opposed to what they choose not to consider. It is really difficult to hold a conversation with such people. They antagonize, they overgeneralize and they irritate. but such is life. I would like to say that they are fools, but this would lead me into my own bubble wouldn't it?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
the comfort of silence.
well...it is strange that my desire to write has been reawakened. It has always been something I liked to do, but i never bothered to indulge in it. however it is a recent thought that my life is flashing me by and if i do not stop to appreciate the things that are around me, as i age i will regret not remembering these things by.
It has been a hectic few weeks for me. with the yr 2's prelims around the corner, many last minute classes to cover, juggling my new church duties plus trying to push something I privately hope will bear fruit in the future. I took a break a few minutes ago, to sit around the empty stadium steps to look at secondary school kids play next door. a cool breeze brushed by and i sipped my green tea with lemon, hoping it would soothe the flu i had been carrying for the past two days. The light blue sky above me darkened my transition lens, so i removed them, noticing the drop in focus I felt whenever i took off my glasses. I relaxed, and thought to myself how this was what i wanted when i should retire. I already had it. the rush of school life and the many busy people around me faded for a moment and i was enjoying the comfort of silence. it was beautiful and i thought i should share this, and hence this article.
a rush of other thoughts flooded my mind, the way i thought many people around me engaged in frivolous activities and i genuinely did not bother about a lot of their thoughts and feelings. I had my own agenda, but I am also very human. the social needs inside me demand that i engage my peers in such talk. my disinterest is apparent but it is no longer a choice, but an automatic response to a certain level of needs within Abraham Maslow's pyramid.
my thoughts also rushed to a sharing i had yesterday, to the futility of the rush for riches. the mediator in me agrees, there is no point. but the practical side of me knows better, or so he thinks. i smile at the observation i just made to myself as i walk back to resume my work...
It has been a hectic few weeks for me. with the yr 2's prelims around the corner, many last minute classes to cover, juggling my new church duties plus trying to push something I privately hope will bear fruit in the future. I took a break a few minutes ago, to sit around the empty stadium steps to look at secondary school kids play next door. a cool breeze brushed by and i sipped my green tea with lemon, hoping it would soothe the flu i had been carrying for the past two days. The light blue sky above me darkened my transition lens, so i removed them, noticing the drop in focus I felt whenever i took off my glasses. I relaxed, and thought to myself how this was what i wanted when i should retire. I already had it. the rush of school life and the many busy people around me faded for a moment and i was enjoying the comfort of silence. it was beautiful and i thought i should share this, and hence this article.
a rush of other thoughts flooded my mind, the way i thought many people around me engaged in frivolous activities and i genuinely did not bother about a lot of their thoughts and feelings. I had my own agenda, but I am also very human. the social needs inside me demand that i engage my peers in such talk. my disinterest is apparent but it is no longer a choice, but an automatic response to a certain level of needs within Abraham Maslow's pyramid.
my thoughts also rushed to a sharing i had yesterday, to the futility of the rush for riches. the mediator in me agrees, there is no point. but the practical side of me knows better, or so he thinks. i smile at the observation i just made to myself as i walk back to resume my work...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Just got Married
Now wife is bathing and finally a chance to use my lap top.
Jun Hong has posted a question to me last week on What has changed?
My Answer, Plenty.
Lets start from the daily routine.
Waking up in the morning will never be the same. Exercising of stealth techniques learnt during my recce days has come in very handy in order not to wake my dear wife up from her sleep.
Coming home after work has never felt that good knowing that i have a beautiful wife at home waiting to open the door. Dinner at home have more conversations now given the extra headcount.
In order to keep the distance close with my in laws, my wife has been diligently maintaining the communication channel through webcam (which explains why i didnt ask for any games these days). Given that extra free time away from my computer, i started reading straits times again (has stopped reading them as i have read thepaper on train rides).
I have plenty of chance to get a second opinions on certain decision i have to make at home now given Renne is with me now. That makes certain decision more well thought through and less load on me as well in terms of the timeline.
Either way a lot of considerations will somehow or other include my Wife's well being anyway. Probably you are already asking what kind of decisions? From what furniture to buy to how much we have spent to what type of jobs she/I should apply.
It can go on and probably will be nice to have a verbal conversation on this than sharing it in this forum (too lengthy).
In conclusion, I am happily married. Given the fact that i have not enjoy the fruits of a proper relationship like most people do, having what i have now makes it sweet.
On the other hand, i do miss the days we just hang out aimlessly at night. Lets do one soon shall we?
Jun Hong has posted a question to me last week on What has changed?
My Answer, Plenty.
Lets start from the daily routine.
Waking up in the morning will never be the same. Exercising of stealth techniques learnt during my recce days has come in very handy in order not to wake my dear wife up from her sleep.
Coming home after work has never felt that good knowing that i have a beautiful wife at home waiting to open the door. Dinner at home have more conversations now given the extra headcount.
In order to keep the distance close with my in laws, my wife has been diligently maintaining the communication channel through webcam (which explains why i didnt ask for any games these days). Given that extra free time away from my computer, i started reading straits times again (has stopped reading them as i have read thepaper on train rides).
I have plenty of chance to get a second opinions on certain decision i have to make at home now given Renne is with me now. That makes certain decision more well thought through and less load on me as well in terms of the timeline.
Either way a lot of considerations will somehow or other include my Wife's well being anyway. Probably you are already asking what kind of decisions? From what furniture to buy to how much we have spent to what type of jobs she/I should apply.
It can go on and probably will be nice to have a verbal conversation on this than sharing it in this forum (too lengthy).
In conclusion, I am happily married. Given the fact that i have not enjoy the fruits of a proper relationship like most people do, having what i have now makes it sweet.
On the other hand, i do miss the days we just hang out aimlessly at night. Lets do one soon shall we?
Monday, July 26, 2010
my thoughts on a slow CCA day.
I'm sitting in my air-con office waiting for my CCA kids to finish playing tennis. Mentally I'm exhausted, so I decided I will do no more work today. Will fill a column be4 BK nags me about being just a voyeur on this blog again.
Hmm...one year into working life, I realized a lot of things that I never realised before. A lot of the choices I made in life were in view of sacrificing for better things to come. however, as i embark on actual working life, i realized that life is more complex than it seems to be. It would seem that I have not done enough. there is just so much left to do. The man I am supposed to be eludes me.
Yet as I look back in the past year, I have seen how much I have changed. I no longer bow down to authority, I no longer say nice things to pacify people. I am unapologetic for who I am. I no longer care that I offend people. that is just the surface of what has changed within me. Is it a vindication of my life philosophy? have I made the right choices in life? I do not know. I think I have chosen a path less trodden. not by choice but by chance. and more because I need to than I want to. I am fearful indeed of who I might end up as.
It seems that I am growing apart from many friends, I myself do not know why. Have I fundamentally changed that I no longer see the same things that they do? I do often get the impression from many groups of friends that they no longer know me so well. I see it in their eyes. And yet I feel that the change is necessary, the old me would not survive in this new world.
well it has been a long day, and perhaps my thoughts ran more pensively than I would have liked them to. but i thought i just share a piece of my mind, and it is just nice as my kids just ended this session. and so it ends, as abruptly as it had begun.
Hmm...one year into working life, I realized a lot of things that I never realised before. A lot of the choices I made in life were in view of sacrificing for better things to come. however, as i embark on actual working life, i realized that life is more complex than it seems to be. It would seem that I have not done enough. there is just so much left to do. The man I am supposed to be eludes me.
Yet as I look back in the past year, I have seen how much I have changed. I no longer bow down to authority, I no longer say nice things to pacify people. I am unapologetic for who I am. I no longer care that I offend people. that is just the surface of what has changed within me. Is it a vindication of my life philosophy? have I made the right choices in life? I do not know. I think I have chosen a path less trodden. not by choice but by chance. and more because I need to than I want to. I am fearful indeed of who I might end up as.
It seems that I am growing apart from many friends, I myself do not know why. Have I fundamentally changed that I no longer see the same things that they do? I do often get the impression from many groups of friends that they no longer know me so well. I see it in their eyes. And yet I feel that the change is necessary, the old me would not survive in this new world.
well it has been a long day, and perhaps my thoughts ran more pensively than I would have liked them to. but i thought i just share a piece of my mind, and it is just nice as my kids just ended this session. and so it ends, as abruptly as it had begun.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Congrats to Mr and Mrs Yeow!
Wish you both a very happy and blissful married life, congratulations!!
More (amateurish) photos here. =]
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
KIVed for my FFXIV Journey
The only "fault" of CoP is that it was far more dependent on having a reliable group of people. I can't help but think that when the expansion was designed, the developer's vision was one of six people around the world who come together and work on these missions, slowly progressing through them, working as a team to overcome one mission after another, TOGETHER. By attempting to pug the entire thing with random people of varying degrees of intelligence, sanity, and patience, you ruin the experience.
In fact, I'd say that pugging can ruin missions altogether. The whole concept behind the game is not one of "I'm going to create a character, get powerful, and then do things with other people so that I can get more powerful", the concept is one of "I'm going to get together with other people, and together, we're going to do things that will make each other stronger as a group."
It isn't until you abandon the mentality of "6 people doing a mission" and become "a group doing a mission" that you can understand and enjoy the game the way it was meant to be played.
The problem with this type of design is that many people play the game for themselves. People will log on and view their playtime as "What can I accomplish today?" or "What items am I going to get today?"; they view missions as "I need 5 people to help me with this". These are all self-centric viewpoints and they are the reason for most failures in most MMORPGs. All of the problems you will ever have in any MMORPG trace back to selfishness. Either you were being selfish or someone else was. I'm not saying that you need to exist to serve everyone else, or that you have to be totally selfless or you're a horrible person, but in a game that is so strongly designed around the idea of people working together to accomplish a common goal, not "me and 5 other people"; once you get past "I need five people to help me" and think in terms of "The six of us are helping each other"... that's when you play the game the way it was intended. And that's when you can truly start to enjoy it.
I'd venture that most of the people who didn't enjoy Promathia missions either didn't enjoy it because they themselves were self-centric in thought and action, or because they frequently grouped with people that were. People who show up unprepared, people who are impatient and in a rush... If you never made it through CoP due to one group failure after another, I'm sure there is some way that you can connect the idea that the group was disjointed from the start. Either someone wasn't pulling their weight or was expecting others to compensate for them, or people were just screwing around.
Now I'm not saying "everyone who failed CoP is selfish"; chances are, it probably wasn't you at fault. But if you're one of the people who busted their ass and still couldn't succeed in CoP, I'm sure that if you look aback on your failures, you'll see that the cause of failure, despite all of your hard work, time, and effort, was ultimately the attitudes and actions of one or more self-centric party members that you did the missions with. Maybe someone bailed on your static because "We're not progressing fast enough and my other friend is doing to let me come with them" or maybe it's someone who always showed up half naked; people who didn't want to farm BC items like animas and mistmelts; people who ran way ahead of the group because they CBA to wait... any of it.
You can't drive a car when all four wheels aren't working together and turning together. If one of the wheels suddenly decides it wants to slack off and turn slower, or if one of the wheels decides the other three are moving too slow and decides to speed up... your transportation will be thoroughly unenjoyable, and it WILL fail.
The biggest problem with people as a whole in MMORPGs, and I'll concede that at times this applies to me as well, is that they tend to keep thinking about the mountains in the distance and miss all the flowers they're stepping on. If you spend all your time focusing on the goal, you'll never be able to enjoy the trip there.
Eilemia 80 Warrior/Acriel 80 Warlock/Khaedra 80 Hunter
Mikhalia | Elvaan Female | Carbuncle
WHM75/BLM75/MNK75/BRD75/DRG75
In fact, I'd say that pugging can ruin missions altogether. The whole concept behind the game is not one of "I'm going to create a character, get powerful, and then do things with other people so that I can get more powerful", the concept is one of "I'm going to get together with other people, and together, we're going to do things that will make each other stronger as a group."
It isn't until you abandon the mentality of "6 people doing a mission" and become "a group doing a mission" that you can understand and enjoy the game the way it was meant to be played.
The problem with this type of design is that many people play the game for themselves. People will log on and view their playtime as "What can I accomplish today?" or "What items am I going to get today?"; they view missions as "I need 5 people to help me with this". These are all self-centric viewpoints and they are the reason for most failures in most MMORPGs. All of the problems you will ever have in any MMORPG trace back to selfishness. Either you were being selfish or someone else was. I'm not saying that you need to exist to serve everyone else, or that you have to be totally selfless or you're a horrible person, but in a game that is so strongly designed around the idea of people working together to accomplish a common goal, not "me and 5 other people"; once you get past "I need five people to help me" and think in terms of "The six of us are helping each other"... that's when you play the game the way it was intended. And that's when you can truly start to enjoy it.
I'd venture that most of the people who didn't enjoy Promathia missions either didn't enjoy it because they themselves were self-centric in thought and action, or because they frequently grouped with people that were. People who show up unprepared, people who are impatient and in a rush... If you never made it through CoP due to one group failure after another, I'm sure there is some way that you can connect the idea that the group was disjointed from the start. Either someone wasn't pulling their weight or was expecting others to compensate for them, or people were just screwing around.
Now I'm not saying "everyone who failed CoP is selfish"; chances are, it probably wasn't you at fault. But if you're one of the people who busted their ass and still couldn't succeed in CoP, I'm sure that if you look aback on your failures, you'll see that the cause of failure, despite all of your hard work, time, and effort, was ultimately the attitudes and actions of one or more self-centric party members that you did the missions with. Maybe someone bailed on your static because "We're not progressing fast enough and my other friend is doing to let me come with them" or maybe it's someone who always showed up half naked; people who didn't want to farm BC items like animas and mistmelts; people who ran way ahead of the group because they CBA to wait... any of it.
You can't drive a car when all four wheels aren't working together and turning together. If one of the wheels suddenly decides it wants to slack off and turn slower, or if one of the wheels decides the other three are moving too slow and decides to speed up... your transportation will be thoroughly unenjoyable, and it WILL fail.
The biggest problem with people as a whole in MMORPGs, and I'll concede that at times this applies to me as well, is that they tend to keep thinking about the mountains in the distance and miss all the flowers they're stepping on. If you spend all your time focusing on the goal, you'll never be able to enjoy the trip there.
----------------------------
Arygos ServerEilemia 80 Warrior/Acriel 80 Warlock/Khaedra 80 Hunter
Mikhalia | Elvaan Female | Carbuncle
WHM75/BLM75/MNK75/BRD75/DRG75
Monday, July 12, 2010
Random Thoughts
This blog had been more dead than I thought. And for good reasons.
I think I set the motion for its impending doom when I took myself way too seriously right from the start. So to my fellow kopi kakis, I really hope to see you guys share random thoughts and insights that flashed through your mind each day, and for the rest of us to chip our 2 cent worth; whether it is a tongue-in-cheek response or one of great philosophical wisdom :p
I experienced several unrelated episodic events the last couple days. And it left me greatly humbled, at a point in time when, I was admit ably rather pleased with some of the achievements and recognitions I had received thus far. So I guess what I wanted to share with you guys is this (but mostly, a reminder to myself). Be humble. Be very humble regardless of what status you have attained in life because there will always be someone better than yourself. And when you foolishly behave as if you are of certain standing and status, you are just inviting the mockery of everyone around you.
What does the preceding para has to do with the starting topic? Absolutely nothing. And hence, my invitation again to my kopi kakis to share all your random thoughts and musing each day here.
Finally, gratz Yeow. I think life will never be the same again. But lets hope we can relieve the good old days from time to time (fingers crossed).
I think I set the motion for its impending doom when I took myself way too seriously right from the start. So to my fellow kopi kakis, I really hope to see you guys share random thoughts and insights that flashed through your mind each day, and for the rest of us to chip our 2 cent worth; whether it is a tongue-in-cheek response or one of great philosophical wisdom :p
I experienced several unrelated episodic events the last couple days. And it left me greatly humbled, at a point in time when, I was admit ably rather pleased with some of the achievements and recognitions I had received thus far. So I guess what I wanted to share with you guys is this (but mostly, a reminder to myself). Be humble. Be very humble regardless of what status you have attained in life because there will always be someone better than yourself. And when you foolishly behave as if you are of certain standing and status, you are just inviting the mockery of everyone around you.
What does the preceding para has to do with the starting topic? Absolutely nothing. And hence, my invitation again to my kopi kakis to share all your random thoughts and musing each day here.
Finally, gratz Yeow. I think life will never be the same again. But lets hope we can relieve the good old days from time to time (fingers crossed).
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