I'm sitting in my air-con office waiting for my CCA kids to finish playing tennis. Mentally I'm exhausted, so I decided I will do no more work today. Will fill a column be4 BK nags me about being just a voyeur on this blog again.
Hmm...one year into working life, I realized a lot of things that I never realised before. A lot of the choices I made in life were in view of sacrificing for better things to come. however, as i embark on actual working life, i realized that life is more complex than it seems to be. It would seem that I have not done enough. there is just so much left to do. The man I am supposed to be eludes me.
Yet as I look back in the past year, I have seen how much I have changed. I no longer bow down to authority, I no longer say nice things to pacify people. I am unapologetic for who I am. I no longer care that I offend people. that is just the surface of what has changed within me. Is it a vindication of my life philosophy? have I made the right choices in life? I do not know. I think I have chosen a path less trodden. not by choice but by chance. and more because I need to than I want to. I am fearful indeed of who I might end up as.
It seems that I am growing apart from many friends, I myself do not know why. Have I fundamentally changed that I no longer see the same things that they do? I do often get the impression from many groups of friends that they no longer know me so well. I see it in their eyes. And yet I feel that the change is necessary, the old me would not survive in this new world.
well it has been a long day, and perhaps my thoughts ran more pensively than I would have liked them to. but i thought i just share a piece of my mind, and it is just nice as my kids just ended this session. and so it ends, as abruptly as it had begun.
Jere, your 2nd para echoed many many of the thoughts that I had too, especially as I make my walk home after a day's work. I am not sure how measured some of the things you have mentioned here were, and I will certainly want to continue this conversation with you. Perhaps when we next meet.
ReplyDeleteFunny how I was almost going to blog a piece very similar to this one you post but I held back thinking I need to think the issues through more thoroughly before I share rather than give in to whim.