Some people have been telling me that I have been appearing very stressed up and emotional lately, in addition to suggesting that it might be work related. I have to admit I have not had the relaxed and confident mood I used to enjoy back in Uni. The suggestion that this change in mood came from the new job is fair since it was the last major change in my life since graduation but I have not quite been able to pin down what was it about my work that is making me stressed up. I have a great environment and bosses whom are extremely nurturing, the work is interesting and it does seem like my contributions are very much appreciated at the workplace. So the source of this distress had been eluding me for a long time - until now.
I realised that what have been bothering me is the inability to live up to the very high expectations I had set for myself. Working in an environment filled with great people, I kept trying to peg my own behaviour and performance to the best role model I can find for each aspect of personal and professional life. I expected myself to be able to emulate their aptitude and attitude quickly but kept finding myself falling short most of the time. On reflection, I do realise that I cannot expect myself to be as good as everyone else immediately. It certainly takes time to shape attitude and performance. Yet, every time when I fall short, I cannot help but blame myself for my inability to measure up to my benchmarks. This is exacerbated by the high expectations everyone seems to have for me at work (I know they are just being nurturing, but its hard to think they do not really expect such high standards from me).
I think I need to moderate expectations for myself if I were to stay on in an environment like mine so as not to lose my sanity. I have yet to find a feasible way though. The tendency to feel bad whenever I fall short from being the best seems to reside deep in my psyche.
Do you guys share this same feeling I have? What do you do to moderate expectations (I'm referring to self expectations)?
I have to admit that i am starting to have this feeling of not living up to one's expectations as well as others expectations.. My mentor in school now is really very nurturing and inspiring, so much so that i started to feel the stress about his expectations as well as my own expectations of myself to work towards a role model like my mentor.
ReplyDeleteBut yea, BK u need to relax abit la..I think you just need to loosen up abit and identify those seemingly "life and death"/must-die-die-achieve kind of expectations that you are holding very tightly to, to tame it a little to realize it's not a life and death issue and that you have ur limitations.. and ya i supposed chilling out and drink do help too ba..
relac la bk. in life whats impt is u eat slp and shit well. everything else is extra.
ReplyDeleteI hate you Jere.
ReplyDeleteya i get that alot lately....
ReplyDelete